I talked to Chelsea on the phone the other day. The first time I had talked to her since leaving Mission Year. We were talking about going home and how to relate to people and tell people about Mission Year well... And through the conversation I realized some things about myself. It was a classic Chelsea move, understanding through external processing or whatever.

My thinking was changed by MY. Of course. What I find funny and what I find offensive was changed.

I think since being home I have stopped commenting on things, like racism, sexism, poverty, inequality, whatever. Like I have been more content to just let things people say go by without making a fuss. Like I don't want to appear to be cynical or a kill joy, or I just don't want to fight, or cry. I make a lot of comments inwardly, about injustice and why such and such is wrong, but not out loud. I don't want to confront someone who doesn't even really care. Who just said something flippantly and doesn't want to have a half hour discussion about justice and love.

I think it's almost like I don't care. Like I am disconnected from everyone. Like I don't want to waste my energy talking to someone who won't understand why I am upset about something they have said. But I also don't want to always seem so serious and literal and uptight.

I just explained that in a really long, confusing way.

I guess it's just hard to adjust to not being surrounded by my team, people who spent a year struggling with the same things I did (and sometimes struggling with me, haha), people who would understand and care. And act self righteous with me ;)

I think it will take time.